How to overcome negative self-talk and become more mindful
In this blog I talk about negative self-talk and why you might be experiencing it. I share some simple steps to help you overcome it so you can become more mindful, feeling present and aware of what’s going on inside.
The way you see yourself & the world impacts the way you talk to yourself, which can affect all areas of your life. Self-talk is the voice inside your head. You’re often not aware of this voice but it’s always there. Sometimes you may notice it or catch yourself in a negative thought loop. If you overthink things a lot then you may often end up spiralling.
Negative self-talk is when this internal voice says negative things and you get caught up in what it’s saying. This can create feelings such as anxiety, stress, frustration, anger and overwhelm. You might feel like this is just how your mind works so you have to deal with it, but having positive self-talk is an option for everyone. This is when your inner dialogue is loving, kind and present. You feel more connected to yourself and the world.
Your inner voice is formed by your conscious and unconscious mind, your beliefs and your model of the world. It might be a surprise, but what it tells you isn’t even necessarily true. You could have beliefs and stories you tell yourself that are actually holding you back, that you probably don’t even know about. These beliefs are formed at a young age, and they’re usually created to protect you from something, like getting hurt. These beliefs did their job at the time but they’re no longer supporting you. Instead they’re draining your energy for no reason.
It doesn’t have to be this way!
If you’ve spent most of your life getting caught up in negative thoughts without being aware, it can seem almost impossible that you’d be able to change it. That’s just how it’s always been, right? If you overthink and have negative self-talk, you might believe this is just the way your mind works. This is not true. You can change it. The key is to bring awareness to it instead.
It is not about avoiding, ignoring or removing it completely. It doesn’t have to be the way you are if you don’t want it to be. It IS possible to have a calmer mind. By becoming aware of these thoughts you can start to look at why you’re having them and address this. There might be something you need to know, that your subconscious is trying to tell you.
When you start to observe what’s coming up, you become the conscious awareness behind your thoughts & emotions. Being mindful allows you to focus on the feelings you want to feel and attract more of this. When you feel present and grateful for where you are right now, you’ll experience more joy in your day to day life. This will lead to you experiencing more of these feelings, positively impacting all areas of your life. This is why it’s important to become aware and to question what your inner voice is actually telling you.
If you can change your thoughts you can change your reality.
You might be feeling like none of this is within your reach. Here are three simple steps to help you become more aware of the thoughts and stories you’re having about yourself.
1. Awareness
The first step is awareness. Awareness isn’t about trying to get rid of negative thoughts, find solutions or distract yourself from them, but really just noticing that it’s happening. It might seem impossible to become aware in the moment when you’re spiraling, but by noticing it once, you increase the chance of noticing again, and then you’re more likely to notice in future.
2. Become present
Once you’ve noticed that the negative self-talk is happening, become present with it. Don’t distract yourself from the feelings it’s bringing up. Become present in your body, feeling the weight of it, take a breath and notice what physical feelings and emotions are coming up. Allow yourself to feel these, even if it’s a bit uncomfortable.
3. Curiosity
Now, get curious. Ask yourself compassionate questions to understand where it’s coming from. What were you doing or thinking about when it came up? Why do you think this triggered the negative self-talk? Is what it is saying true? What is it trying to tell you? What words of kindness do you have towards this part of yourself? You could even journal on it.
Whenever you go through this process, reflect back on what you’ve learnt and if there’s anything you can do to show yourself some compassion in that moment. Are you starting to think about it differently now? Self-compassion is so important when starting to pay more attention to your self-talk and the things you’re saying to yourself.
When you become self-aware, you’re better at knowing what you need and can give this to yourself with love. The negative self-talk will show up less. You can give yourself space when you need it rather than being negative towards yourself and pressuring yourself unnecessarily. Everyone is doing the best they can with the tools, knowledge, time and energy they have available to them - including you. So go easy on yourself!
The main thing is to start paying more attention to your thoughts and noticing what’s going on inside your mind. It can seem like a big challenge at first, and it may feel like it’s easier to avoid it altogether by distracting yourself. Avoidance & distraction is still a choice. Doing what’s easiest is still a choice. So what do you choose?
The next time you actually notice you’re talking negatively towards yourself in your head, congratulate yourself for becoming present and noticing. Make a point of being curious, ask yourself questions and have a conversation with this part of yourself to see what it’s trying to tell you. The more you can do this, the more you’ll start to notice and be able to approach it with self-compassion rather than feeling frustrated with yourself for doing it in the first place. Take it step by step.
It’s a gradual process so be kind to yourself if you’re still getting caught up in the thoughts - accepting and honouring the feelings and thoughts that do come up. By noticing in the first place, you are making progress. Congratulate yourself on your progress, keep checking in with yourself and things will slowly but surely start to improve.
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I am a Holistic Life Coach and I work with you to consider where you’re at in your life currently, discovering the things that are holding you back so you can release them and move forward. Together we create manageable actions and ways for you to make changes in your life. My holistic approach includes Life Coaching, Reiki, Hypnotherapy and Neuro-Linguistic Programming, which means working with the subconscious mind.
Through this work you start to experience breakthroughs in your life, celebrating yourself and the progress you’re making. It’s so powerful!
Are you ready to make these changes? Book a free discovery call with me today to see if we’re a good fit. In this 30 minute discovery call we’ll talk about where you’re at right now and the challenges you’re facing, and some ways in which you can work through these challenges. There is no obligation to book any life coaching sessions with me after this call.